Post by lyanna on Feb 24, 2014 20:45:50 GMT
So... it seems like despite my best efforts I have managed to say and do more things which have (understandably in hindsight) been misinterpreted and this has caused problems. Since it is my fault, it is my responsibility to clear this up and that is what I'm making this post for! I hope that it will make people feel better about the state of the game and hopefully about me having a part in it too. Here's a few things that really need to clear up:
Firstly, I am not trying to subvert Alren, go over his head, undermine him, etc. Yes, I'm having some disputes with him but at this early stage in the game that's to be expected and I'd be more worried if everything was going smoothly!
It's just something that's going to happen when a project like this is getting off the ground. When I've talked about my side project... that is not another game like the one we are trying to build here, rather it is a setting I am creating for playtesting ideas to be used in the game! My hope is that the ideas developed there (which I would like to work with people on co-developing) will be cannibalized to build up our game. That's what the point of that project is, and I'm doing it as a side project because if parts of it don't work out (which is likely) they can just be left there without causing problems for our real game.
Alren and I are on the same side, even if we disagree on some matters. We are not rivals or opponents.
Another thing that may have been perceived as going over Alren's head is when I asked the board about my moderator status; it was pointed out to me afterward that it could be seen as me trying to rally support for me regaining the moderator status I stepped down from on these boards, but that was not the goal. Instead, the purpose of that thread was for me to assess people's feelings on the matter so I'd know if I would still be welcome. I was feeling... well, pretty vulnerable at that point, like people didn't want me here and maybe I should go. Since then I've had some time to step back and I have decided that the solution is not for me to run away but for me to do a better job, and that is what I intend to do!
I want to step up to the plate now and do all I can to make this game work for all of us!
This may be tricky for me. I don't like talking about this next issue for a number of reasons but there are times where it seems prudent to do so and this is one of them: I have a disability that causes social impairment. This of course does not excuse misbehavior on my part but I hope it will make it more understandable; when I seem like I'm being forceful, rude or inconsiderate, dime to a dollar it's not intentional and I don't realize I am doing it. Often afterwards when I realize what I did I feel terrible because really, I'm a pretty compassionate person and I don't like upsetting people. Sort of a great, cruel irony in my life, isn't it?
There are solutions though. One of these is for me to be more careful about what I say, and I'll endeavor to do this. Another though is on other people's end, so I'll ask a favor of you good folks:
If I am upsetting you, please tell me. Don't drop hints because I will more than likely miss all of them. Please, just call me on my shit. It's ok if you're blunt with it, I'd rather have a little bit of brutal honesty and deal with it then and there than have to try and pick up the pieces later when everyone is feeling awful. I will appreciate your honesty!
I really hope this clears things up, but this thread is open if people have more question and comments. Even if you don't make any, thank you very much for reading this.
Firstly, I am not trying to subvert Alren, go over his head, undermine him, etc. Yes, I'm having some disputes with him but at this early stage in the game that's to be expected and I'd be more worried if everything was going smoothly!
It's just something that's going to happen when a project like this is getting off the ground. When I've talked about my side project... that is not another game like the one we are trying to build here, rather it is a setting I am creating for playtesting ideas to be used in the game! My hope is that the ideas developed there (which I would like to work with people on co-developing) will be cannibalized to build up our game. That's what the point of that project is, and I'm doing it as a side project because if parts of it don't work out (which is likely) they can just be left there without causing problems for our real game.Alren and I are on the same side, even if we disagree on some matters. We are not rivals or opponents.
Another thing that may have been perceived as going over Alren's head is when I asked the board about my moderator status; it was pointed out to me afterward that it could be seen as me trying to rally support for me regaining the moderator status I stepped down from on these boards, but that was not the goal. Instead, the purpose of that thread was for me to assess people's feelings on the matter so I'd know if I would still be welcome. I was feeling... well, pretty vulnerable at that point, like people didn't want me here and maybe I should go. Since then I've had some time to step back and I have decided that the solution is not for me to run away but for me to do a better job, and that is what I intend to do!
I want to step up to the plate now and do all I can to make this game work for all of us!This may be tricky for me. I don't like talking about this next issue for a number of reasons but there are times where it seems prudent to do so and this is one of them: I have a disability that causes social impairment. This of course does not excuse misbehavior on my part but I hope it will make it more understandable; when I seem like I'm being forceful, rude or inconsiderate, dime to a dollar it's not intentional and I don't realize I am doing it. Often afterwards when I realize what I did I feel terrible because really, I'm a pretty compassionate person and I don't like upsetting people. Sort of a great, cruel irony in my life, isn't it?
There are solutions though. One of these is for me to be more careful about what I say, and I'll endeavor to do this. Another though is on other people's end, so I'll ask a favor of you good folks:If I am upsetting you, please tell me. Don't drop hints because I will more than likely miss all of them. Please, just call me on my shit. It's ok if you're blunt with it, I'd rather have a little bit of brutal honesty and deal with it then and there than have to try and pick up the pieces later when everyone is feeling awful. I will appreciate your honesty!
I really hope this clears things up, but this thread is open if people have more question and comments. Even if you don't make any, thank you very much for reading this.